cw: panic attack

***

Mu Yuze did not notice the amount of ruckus they created. He did not hear it either when He Juan hissed out through gritted teeth, "I’m fine, don’t worry..." His eyes were still fixed on He Juan, yet it was also like he was seeing someone else through him. He could hear nothing but the loud buzz in his ears, his own hitched and uneven breathing, and the frantic beats of his heart. He could almost smell the familiar metallic rust on the tip of his nose.

Oh. Oh no.

He realized what was happening in an instant. He was having a panic attack.

Alas, realizing it did not mean that he could stop it from happening. Anxiety, fear, and confusion crept up from the soles of his feet to the top of his head, locking his limb in place. He felt like his body was no longer his own, that it was an unfamiliar cage that trapped his writhing soul inside, all crooked and grew out at the wrong places. It made him want to claw at his own chest to see if he could get a respite.

Everything was suddenly too much... the sun glaring down at him, the concrete steps under his knees, the clothes on his body, the people crowding around him asking whether he needed help. Mu Yuze’s lips parted in a wheeze. Oh nononono, he couldn’t breathe—

All of a sudden, he felt a gentle and firm touch on the back of his neck, pulling him into a cocoon of warmth. The harsh lights disappeared, the unwelcomed voices faded away, and all he could hear was a loud and powerful heartbeat. Mu Yuze almost cried in sheer relief as he closed his eyes and let himself melt further into the warmth, inhaling the lingering musky scent which his fuzzy brain translated as reliable and trustworthy. He couldn’t quite name it with his limited knowledge and vocabulary.

All he knew was that he was safe and secured.

Within the hazy fog of his mind, he seemed to hear a familiar voice right above him, sounding so close yet distant at the same time. "Chen Youzhi!"

"Boss! W–What’s wrong?!"

Another hand landed on his shoulder and it... it was wrong, somehow. Repulsive. He flinched, shrinking closer to the source of the secure warmth and clinging tightly to it. He thought that he made a whimper deep in his throat, but he could not be certain, not in his current state. In return, he got a soothing pat on his back, gentle and careful and literally everything he might ever need.

"It’s okay, leave him to me. Go and get the car. We’re going to Doctor Jia’s clinic. Now!"

In the next second, Mu Yuze felt himself being lifted up by a powerful arm around his waist and hips. The sudden shift and weightlessness gripped him with wild panic. His feet could not touch the ground and he began to struggle, feeling as if he was falling and falling...

"Sssh," a deep voice reverberated in his ears. "It’s okay, Xiao Ze. Everything is fine, I’ve got you now. It’s okay..." the soothing voice repeated itself over and over again, until his trembling subsided and his breathing smoothened.

This time, he was fully aware that he let out another soft whimper, a pathetic and wretched sound that would definitely humiliate him to death had he been more lucid – which fortunately, he was not. However, not only was he not rebuked or beaten up, he even got another reassuring murmur, "It’s okay, Gege is here. Gege is here with you..."

Gege...

That one word flew around his hazy subconsciousness and settled behind his ribcage, seeping into the depth of his heart. It was as if he finally got something solid to hold on to after years of drifting around aimlessly.

He let himself sink into the darkness with that comforting thought.

***

The car had not even arrived at the destination yet when Mu Yuze felt his senses returning to him in increments. He perceived the luxurious leather seat beneath him before he could even open his eyes. After all, it was not the kind of sensation that was easily forgettable. He tried to move his body only to feel soreness stabbing into his neck and lower back area, as if he had been holding himself in an uncomfortable position for a long time.

Something shifted beside him – someone, he noted distantly – followed by a gentle squeeze to his wrist. A low, slightly husky voice sounded right above him, "Have you come to?"

Shocked, Mu Yuze snapped his gaze open with a gasp.

He immediately realized a few things:

First, he was currently in a running car. It was the same car that had fetched him from the apartment toward the ramen shop. However, this time, instead of sitting on the shotgun seat, he found himself in the passenger seat behind – which led to the second point.

Second, he was not alone in the passenger seat. He found his body tilted uncomfortably to the right – so this was the cause of the soreness on his body – leaning unabashedly against someone who smelled like all of the greatest things Mu Yuze had ever smelled combined into one. As if it was not enough, the aforementioned someone was also holding his hand. A broad and warm palm easily engulfed his small and bruised one, two of the long, graceful fingers pressing against his pulse point.

Third and most importantly, he absolutely had no idea how he ended up in his current predicament.

Mu Yuze spent two full seconds blanking out after he finished processing everything, and then he abruptly straightened up with a panicked yelp. He turned around in fluster to meet He Juan’s concerned silver eyes. And his hand... He Juan was still holding his hand...!

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, and Mu Yuze realized with utter embarrassment that this was the same voice that kept murmuring soothing reassurance to him when he was in the middle of a meltdown. However, along with the realization, he also came to remember the cause of his meltdown in the first place.

The bustling street, He Juan who chased after him with an anxious look on his face, then someone rushed out from the crowd and...

"Y–You..." he raked his gaze all over He Juan’s body, focusing especially on his chest area – and he absolutely did not think of how it was the same chest that had cushioned him up until a few seconds ago! – then got confused when he found He Juan in one piece, unharmed if not for his slightly paler complexion. "Back then, you... what happened?"

"Oh, I’m so sorry to have made you worried." He Juan sounded awfully distressed, and being the recipient of such expressive eyes at such a close distance was honestly... not very good for Mu Yuze’s heart. "Someone just bumped into me, but because they smacked right onto my broken ribs, it ended up being a whole degree more severe than it looked. It’s my fault, I should have been more careful..." his thumb stroked circles on the back of Mu Yuze’s hand in an attempt to comfort. "Enough about me. How are you?" 𝒇𝙧𝙚𝓮𝙬𝙚𝓫𝒏𝓸𝓿𝓮𝒍.𝓬𝙤𝓶

How could this man admit his mistakes so easily? When clearly, the one at fault was—

Mu Yuze was utterly horrified when another realization slammed into him like a freight train. "Y–You broke your ribs and still let me lean on you?!!"