"Gege..." Mu Yuze’s voice was small and raspy as though he had just woken up. And oh... He Juan could very well imagine it – his omega sitting up on the bed with the morning sunshine draped over his silhouette, his face still a bit pale and lips pursed tight as he held the phone to his ear.

It must be Su Xieren. He must have guessed that He Juan would not answer the call if it came from Mu Yuze. But it was different for him. He Juan relied on him to receive the latest updates about Mu Yuze’s condition and hence, there was no way he would miss this call. Alas, before he could even chide Su Xieren inside his mind, he heard Mu Yuze ask with a slight tremble to his voice, "...Where are you?"

He Juan sucked in a breath and bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. Oh God... he had never known that those three simple words could be so painful. How horrible Mu Yuze must have felt when he woke up to find that his Alpha was nowhere to be found? He Juan couldn’t even begin to imagine it. He must be feeling so upset, so dejected and miserable.

And it was all He Juan’s fault. It was because he was too weak. Once again, he had failed to become a proper Alpha for Mu Yuze, he had failed to be there with Mu Yuze when the omega needed him the most...

He Juan’s throat constricted and the back of his eyes stung with tears. It was as if his heart was not the only thing bleeding, but every inch of his flesh too. "Xiao Ze..." he managed to choke out with much difficulty. He did not share his location and instead asked, "Xiao Ze, how are you feeling? You... Your gland, does it still hurt? You have to listen to Doctor Tang, okay? Rest well in the hospital and—"

"Where are you?" Mu Yuze asked again, his voice steely. "Gege, where are you now?"

"I..." He Juan was stumped. If he were to say that he was at Mu Yuze’s house, then the omega would definitely ask him why he did not come to the hospital. By then, He Juan wouldn’t know how to answer. In the end, he could only say, "I’m sorry, Xiao Ze... I’m sorry..."

"You’re leaving...?" Mu Yuze’s breathing grew ragged. As if He Juan’s repeated apology had triggered some unpleasant memories, he abruptly lost control of his emotions and gritted out in a harsh tone, "Are you going to leave me behind again?! He Juan, you..."

He Juan could hear the alarm issued by the heartbeat monitor in the background, and his blood instantly turned cold with dread. He took no notice of Mu Yuze’s peculiar choice of words in lieu of comforting the omega, "Xiao Ze, calm down. I won’t leave. I promise—" 𝘧𝓇ℯ𝑒𝓌𝑒𝑏𝓃𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭.𝒸ℴ𝓂

"Then why are you not here?!" Mu Yuze raised his voice abruptly, sharp and discordant, and He Juan learned that his heart could break more than it already had. A wretched sob escaped Mu Yuze’s lips and he continued to cry out, "Why aren’t you here with me? Why are you always... always going someplace where I can’t reach?! Why...?!"

He Juan gripped the phone so hard that his knuckles cracked. He could feel his entire body trembling from utter agony. Mu Yuze’s anguish cries were akin to a burning whip that tore straight into his soul. The pain was excruciating; sharp and relentless. And it made his throbbing headache paled in comparison – no, it could not even be compared to begin with. Right now, He Juan was willing to go through a hundred folds of the same pain if he could make Mu Yuze stop crying. "Xiao Ze..." He Juan’s voice was colored in thick despair and grief. "Xiao Ze, please..."

All of a sudden, He Juan heard a faint commotion from the other side, and then Mu Yuze’s cries were cut off short, replaced by Su Xieren who sounded extremely guilty. "Sorry, Da-ge. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have lent him my phone."

"How...?" He Juan hurried to ask as if grabbing onto a lifeline. "How is he?! He..."

"He’s fine," Su Xieren hurriedly said, then presumably thinking that Mu Yuze had not sounded fine at all, he added after a pause, "...He is a little too agitated. Doctor Tang is sedating him so he can get a good rest. He will be fine, Da-ge, he is strong."

He Juan covered his eyes and revealed a bitter smile. He knew Mu Yuze was strong. Of course, he knew it. In a society where Alphas were heavily favored and Omegas were always taken as an inferior party, Mu Yuze managed to carve a solid position for himself as a police officer and get acknowledged by his fellow Alpha and Beta colleagues. He had no doubt about Mu Yuze’s capability. But... it was exactly because he was strong that He Juan wished he could protect him more. He wished that he could shield Mu Yuze from wind and rain, and offered him a sanctuary where he could take off his armors and let himself be vulnerable. He thought he had all the time in the future to do it. Alas...

"You..." Su Xieren asked tentatively. "How are you?"

He Juan let out a wry, shaky chuckle. "As fine as I could in this kind of situation."

Su Xieren fell silent upon hearing this.

He Juan did not want to make him feel awkward and hence, he forcibly gathered the broken pieces of himself and whispered, almost pleading, "...Can you do me another favor, Xieren?"

After he finished the call, He Juan slid down to the ground as if he had been drained of all strength. Leaning against the wall, he tilted his head up and heaved out a heavy sigh. Mu Yuze’s cries were still echoing in his mind, filling up the silence of the room to the brim.

—Are you going to leave me behind again?!

—Why are you always... always going someplace where I can’t reach?! Why...?!

Wait...

He Juan creased his brows. He had been too flustered by Mu Yuze’s emotional breakdown to register what the omega was saying but... ’again’? ’Always’? Where did they come from? A horrifying possibility popped into his mind, one that he did not even dare to entertain prior to this.

It couldn’t be. Mu Yuze, he...

Had he been someone from He Juan’s past too?