Why didn’t he ever look at me? He forced me into dependence on him, and yet why did he come only in secret until the very last moment? If he had loved me enough to feel betrayed by me, then before I died he could have shared just a little more warmth.

Back then it had only been curiosity, but as time passed, it turned into resentment. More than the moments when he treated me harshly, it was the days he ignored me and turned away that carved deeper into my chest. I didn’t even know why I was thinking about this now, but it felt like a thorn pricking at me.

“......”

Kwon Yido stayed silent, his face frozen. He clearly hadn’t expected such a question. He sat there blankly for a long time, then finally moved his lips, slowly, as though deciding on something.

“...Because you were too afraid of me.”

A strange gleam flickered in his dark eyes. The way they gradually grew wet almost looked like sorrow. But despite the trembling in both his eyes, there wasn’t a single tear to be seen.

“I couldn’t appear in front of you.”

“......”

It took a moment to understand his short reply. Because I was afraid of him, he couldn’t come. But how on earth had Kwon Yido in the past even had the means to sense my fear?

“...How did you know I was afraid?”

I had never once thought my fear of him had shown. Even when it felt like my chest was being crushed and I couldn’t breathe, I never let it show on the surface. Yet Yido answered as if it were the most obvious thing.

“Because I marked you.”

“......”

It felt like being struck in the back of the head. His eyes sank heavily, and he added in that same slow tone.

“So I felt it all.”

I had felt nothing, yet Yido had felt everything. My emotions, my memories, even the fear that overwhelmed me whenever I looked at him. Even the phantom pain of my body being torn in half, and how much it consumed me.

“Of course, I probably would have known even without the mark...”

The feeling was impossible to put into words. The man before me looked so tormented that even I could hardly bring myself to speak. The expression on his face, recalling those times, etched itself deep near my heart.

“...Then did you know I wasn’t asleep?”

If so, then those nights when he came to me—did he know I was awake? In truth, there was no need to ask. The bitterness in his downcast eyes said more than ten words could.

“...Sorry.”

“......”

I hadn’t been seeking an apology. He hadn’t harmed me in my sleep, only carried out a one-sided confession. Those moments hadn’t been unpleasant; only now did I suddenly wonder what he had been thinking, and what he had felt.

“I’m sorry, Sejin.”

The emotion I felt was too deep to comprehend. Kwon Yido was nothing but a sinner, and I was the judge passing sentence. Out of the flood of words that rose up, all that escaped my mouth was this much.

“...Let’s get up.”

***

On the way home from work, I went to the hospital. Three times a week, I had my regular counseling sessions. Each session was exactly thirty minutes, usually spent on trivial everyday matters and the state of my body.

“How was it this time, with the reduced dosage?”

The physician, who resembled Professor Shim, asked a few questions and then wrote brief notes in my chart. Whether I’d slept well, whether my appetite was normal, what my mood was like. Fortunately, there were no major side effects, so we decided to keep my medications as they were.

Once those checks were done, I began rambling about various things. At first, it had been awkward to talk here, but now I could speak with ease. From the nightmares I had at night (though I never shared the content) to the events of daily life. Even about emotions I hadn’t known were mine.

“I don’t know if the choices I’ve made were right.”

Sometimes, my unease would burst out just like that.

“When you say choices, what do you mean?”

“Just... those moments in life where you have to choose something. Every time, I can’t feel certain. Whether it’s right, whether it’s a mistake, whether I’ll regret it later...”

I didn’t specify what kind of choices. They were too broad to single out: leaving his house, walking away from him that time, and most recently, stamping my seal on the contract with him.

“I feel like I ruined everything.”

Did Yido really have any fault? He had only tried, within the given circumstances. Wasn’t it me who had destroyed everything? Having bared it all at the end, wasn’t it greedy of me to now bring him back into my daily life?

Greed. Yes, it was greed.

Ridiculously enough, I had felt relieved when Yido said he would keep coming. Even though I’d sworn to cut him off, I was reassured by his refusal to give me up. And yet I still felt wronged, and that sense of injustice turned back into resentment toward him.

'Why did you abandon me?'

Human emotions were too complex to fit under one name. I’d thought I was fine, but I wasn’t. I’d thought I’d forgotten, yet it returned again and again. I didn’t know whether it was resentment, grief, or hurt—only that it kept piling up without a proper name.

“If you believe it’s right, then it is.”

The doctor answered calmly, in a professional tone. When I looked up, he gave me a faint smile.

“At the time, it must have been the best choice you could make, and you had your reasons. Not every choice can be right, but you need to respect the choices you’ve made. What matters isn’t that you made them—it’s how you change the results afterward.”

“......”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Myself, and you as well.”

That was what Yido had said too. Once is a mistake, but twice is no longer a mistake. Had I truly avoided repeating the same mistake? I couldn’t be sure. As for what choices I should make going forward, I didn’t know yet either.

“...Ah, Doctor.”

As the session was wrapping up, a sudden thought struck me. Normally it would be strictly forbidden, but since my dosage had been reduced, maybe it would be possible. Others relieved stress this way; things I’d never considered before now began to stir my curiosity.

“...Would it be okay if I had a drink? Just lightly?”

***

Even though I had told him not to come anymore, Kwon Yido still came to the company every day. I always met with him, handled work as usual, and in the spare moments, I made perfume. I deliberately took on unnecessary tasks to keep myself as busy as possible.

'There’s nothing more to fix.'

Almost as if by agreement, we never brought up that day. Yido stopped bringing desserts, came only to finish what had to be done, and left. Sometimes I felt sorry for him, but in the end, there was nothing I could say, so I stayed silent.

And so the days passed—one, two, three—until Friday, on the eve of the launch event. Everything that could be done at “Sejin” was finished. The products and promotional methods were ready; now all that remained was to wait for the rollout.

“Wow, finally...”

The employees couldn’t hide their joy, their feelings showing plainly. Some sighed in relief, others looked at me with eyes glistening.

“CEO...!”

“...Was it really that hard?”

I smiled faintly as I looked around at them. The schedule had been tight, but I’d tried hard to avoid forcing overtime. Yet, they quickly broke into easy smiles.

“Honestly, the work itself wasn’t that hard. It just feels so good to have finished safely.”

“Right. When we first planned this, I thought we were doomed.”

“This time, you suffered the most, CEO.”

Their words were nothing but affectionate. When someone said I needed to rest, I only squinted my eyes. I had worked harder precisely because I didn’t want to rest—how it looked to them, I couldn’t say.

“Let’s have a company dinner tonight. A celebration!”

“Great idea!”

The employees eagerly pushed for it, noisy with excitement. Who else would enjoy hanging out with their boss this much? Probably only our staff.

“Wouldn’t it be better after the event?”

“We should do it both after and now!”

Well, since tomorrow was the weekend, it might be good for morale. We could keep it light—dinner, and whoever wanted could leave early. As I was asking about the menu, wondering if beef had become too monotonous, I suddenly heard a familiar voice behind me.

“...A company dinner?”

It wasn’t even said loudly, yet the word pierced right through my ears. I turned quickly. There he was, the familiar figure who always came around this hour—Kwon Yido.

“Executive Director, you’re here.”

“Hello.”

Anyone listening would think Yido was one of our executives. Seeing him daily had made the employees friendly toward him. Though he gave no reply, no one seemed to mind.

“Are you drinking?”

Out of everyone, he looked directly at me and asked. Then again, he only ever spoke to me. I was about to say, What does it matter if I drink or not, but mindful of the others, I changed my answer.

“Yes... I suppose so.”

The doctor had said it. Feeling the desire to do things was positive. Better to avoid alcohol, but if I insisted, I just shouldn’t mix it with sleeping pills. One day wouldn’t matter—so tonight I could drink.

“...I see.”

The belated answer sounded faintly disapproving. He lowered his eyes and pressed his lips together. His face was expressionless, but I had the sense he was dissatisfied.

'Late again.'

Come to think of it, there had been a time like this before. The first company dinner at “Sejin.” I had said I’d go home early, yet stayed drinking late into the night.

'You may have gone to work as Jung Sejin, but you came home a drunkard.'

Back then, I hadn’t thought we would end up like this. I had believed it was just an indefinite engagement, but I hadn’t truly pictured us parting. I had sunk into daily happiness so easily that I had secretly hoped it would last forever.

“......”

I tore my gaze away. Out of nowhere, I suddenly missed it. The way he would joke about being a nagging husband, or when he misunderstood my relationship with Mr. Kim. The trivial daily memories of him.

“...I’ll show you to the meeting room.”

I walked past Yido, who stood silently, and headed for the meeting room. Behind me, the employees continued chattering about dinner menus. Even if I longed for the past, I couldn’t return to it. I couldn’t let myself be swayed by such fragments of memory.

Now, even if I got drunk, Yido wouldn’t be able to sense it anymore.

***

Or so I thought.

“......”

“......”

The lively restaurant was full of employees’ voices. On the tables were all kinds of seafood, even cooked king crab for those who couldn’t eat raw. Lobster sashimi, pufferfish sashimi, dishes far too expensive for a group dinner, lined every table.

“Executive Director, thank you for the meal!”

“Thank you so much, sir!”

How had it come to this? I stared blankly across at Yido, who was sitting opposite me. He accepted all the thanks with that same impassive gaze. His neatly combed hair, the smooth line of his forehead, the high bridge of his nose, the firmly closed lips. Even in this chaos, he sat alone in unshaken elegance. 𝕗𝐫𝐞𝕖𝕨𝐞𝗯𝚗𝕠𝘃𝐞𝚕.𝐜𝗼𝚖

“Eat as much as you want. Order more if it’s not enough.”

His dignified voice wasn’t loud, yet it carried to everyone. The employees erupted with joy, pouring sake into fine glasses. I accepted a pour from Team Leader Choi and gave a hollow laugh.

'About that company dinner later...'

Earlier, after the meeting, Yido had suddenly spoken as he left the room. It was a startling topic, and at the time he seemed slightly nervous.

'To thank you all for your hard work... I’d like to treat you.'

'...Excuse me?'

It had been unimaginable. Why would he treat them? He wasn’t even an employee here. Of course, I’d planned to refuse—if only the others outside hadn’t overheard, their eyes shining.

'If the CEO doesn’t mind, I’d really like to do this.'

'...Aren’t you busy?'

'This much is fine. Besides, it’s Friday.'

Friday? As if the day of the week ever mattered to a man who didn’t even rest on weekends. I still remembered how he used to come to the office every single day. Not that I could say that aloud—I just gave him an awkward smile.

'Still, we can’t accept such a favor...'

'You all handled the project so well on such short notice. This is the least I can do.'

Looking back, I could guess why he said it in front of everyone. If it had just been the two of us, I would have refused outright. He must ❖ Nоvеl𝚒ght ❖ (Exclusive on Nоvеl𝚒ght) have deliberately cornered me, feigning a pitiful look to block every escape.

'Of course, if you’re uncomfortable, I’ll withdraw.'

And so Yido had reserved a fine Japanese restaurant nearby for dinner. Lee Taeseong had given me a strange look, and even Mr. Kim had looked faintly sympathetic.

“Executive Director, have a drink!”

The ever-sociable Choi poured Yido some alcohol. Surprisingly, Yido didn’t refuse and accepted the glass. His face remained stiff, yet buying such an extravagant meal made him seem generous in the employees’ eyes.

“CEO, please give us a toast!”

“No, the one paying should do it.”

“Ah, right. Then Executive Director, please!”

They hadn’t even drunk much, but they were already intoxicated by the mood. Yido giving a toast—it was such an odd pairing that I tried to stop them. But he simply raised his glass without hesitation.

“Thank you all for your hard work. Let’s push through just a little more until the end.”

It was a plain remark, but it drew loud cheers. Everyone toasted and began eating eagerly. Perhaps they had grown too used to the desserts he brought, because no one refused or held back.

“...Don’t we usually have company dinners often?”

“Come on, CEO, this is different.”

If I’d known they’d be this happy, maybe I should have varied the menu more. Watching them eat well made me glad, but it also felt strange. They seemed more excited than when they were with me alone, and I couldn’t help but laugh weakly.

“CEO, let’s clink glasses!”

I deliberately avoided looking at Yido as I tapped my glass with another employee’s. I downed the sharp sake in one gulp, frowning slightly at the unfamiliar taste. After a few more rounds, I finally began to relax.

“CEO, you really worked hard.”

“Right, it’s all thanks to you.”

“No, it’s thanks to all of you.”

Yes, it was fine this way. If he wanted to treat us, there was no need to stop him.

One drink, then another—the glasses went around. The atmosphere ripened quickly, and the employees grew steadily drunk. Excited from the start, they seemed to get tipsy even faster than usual.

“Executive Director, let me pour you one too.”

Yido blended in more smoothly than I’d expected. He accepted pours, and when people rambled at him, he listened silently (though never answering). Encouraged, even the shyer ones started to join in with a word or two.

“Executive Director, me too...!”

“Let me pour you one as well!”

I thought, 'He should refuse at some point.' Then shook my head. I didn’t need to worry. Yido knew how to handle himself, and no one here would dare press him to drink anyway. It was a needless concern.

“The more I see Executive Director, the more I think he’s a good person.”

“...Is that so?”

The employee beside me whispered in awe. I paused, then poured him a drink, giving a vague answer. Was Yido... objectively a good person? In truth, he didn’t really have bad habits. He worked fairly diligently, too.

“And he’s just so handsome.”

“Right! I’ve even stopped wearing my glasses lately. Looking at him makes me feel like my eyesight’s getting better.”

When another employee chimed in, I couldn’t help bursting into laughter. As if he could improve their eyesight. Clearly, with the alcohol, the words were slipping out. I covered my mouth, chuckling, when Yido’s gaze followed my profile.